50 First Dates or How I Failed Dating

In a pep talk, someone once said that everyone who is single and looking for love is a failure, if we weren’t, we’d be with “our person.” 

While this might seem harsh, it makes total sense.  If you were successful in dating, you’d be in a relationship.  It’s finding that person who matches you and what you want that is the difficult part.  You can find someone who has a sense of humor, outlook on life that you want but there’s no spark.  Or the opposite, there’s way to much spark and not enough substance. Then lastly, there is the “I’ve settling because I don’t want to be alone” part of dating which eventually turns you into a miserably unhappy person because your not being given to in the way that you need.

I’ve been in all three of these circumstances.  I always thought I’d end up with someone who loves me for me and while it might not always be easy, we’d work our way through life, together, like my parents did.  I thought that true love existed for everyone.  I think that the world of online dating has killed how we interact with people in social settings.  People are afraid to commit because they know they can just swap right for a date or find their perfect “match” for the moment on match.com.  I no longer believe that everyone gets a happily ever after. 

It’s this which lead me to a “50 first dates and then I’m giving up” challenge.  

My friends told me that I didn’t trying hard enough to date. I wasn’t giving guys enough time. I was intimidating them. I was too guarded from my experiences in the past.  So I said fine, I’ll try 50 dates.  

So December 27, 2015 I started on this journey and on February 27, 2018, I gave up after 39 dates.  It took two years and two months to go on 39 dates before I said I’ve had enough. 

Enough of the scrolling, the trolling, the profiles, the trying to talk to someone face to face in public and the set ups.  I got sick of hearing comments like “if I had a kid with you it would have a birth defect” or I wouldn’t date you, only f*** you.  
Then there was the aimless small talk.
The “why am I wasting time on my phone when I have work I have to do” and the growing cynicism in my heart.  

It wasn’t all bad.  Of this two years and two month experiment, a year of it was dating. Actual dating, like only one person, not going on the apps to find a date, having a conversation about only dating each other.  A concept seeming more and more rare.  

Here’s the break down with cause:
#7- 3 months-moved to London
#28- 2.5 months-a master’s degree student who I felt was always trying to analyze me
#31- 2.5 months- turned out to be a functioning alcoholic
#34-4 months-great guy, just the wrong time

Here’s a few other statistical breakdowns:

• 39- first dates
• 16- only first dates
• 10- two or three dates
• 2- being stood up
• 7- ghosted 
• 5- different new to me ethnic cuisines
• 1- being rescued by a friend because I couldn’t remember the guys name
• 3- times of feeling I needed to charge for his therapy and life coaching sessions
• 1-really big eye booger 
• 1-how do I stay focused on this date why the couple next to me is breaking up
• 2-Conspire theorist 

So after two year and two months, I’m moving on with my life. Not because I don’t think I’m worth finding that someone who will be there for me and love me for me.  I am lovable. I am worth being loved.  I just don’t think it’s in the cards for everyone to find a person. 

I’m moving forward with my life and making choices that might be harder in the future by myself but I don’t want to live a life of regret because I was waiting around for someone.

I’ve been single for 7 years now, many people have said “ the right man with come when you’re least expecting it” or “when you give up, that’s when it will happen.” Well, it’s going to take a lot for this once hopeless romantic turned cynic to believe that some guy will ever ask me to marry him. But maybe, just maybe that wish that I made once upon a time will come try. ​

As you wish…

#tinder #match.com #okcupid #failure #IdK #givingupmovingon #brokenhearted #cynical #love #truelove #princessbridequote #asyouwish #ghosted #booger #whatwasIthinking

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